There will be mistakes!

Well, the trip to AZ to check up on the folks didn't go as well as I would've liked. I worked two night shifts then left in the afternoon after a couple of hours sleep. Mistake #1!!! Sometimes, I seriously feel like I can conquer the world as if I were a twenty-something...NOT TRUE! Not to mention I did not have a straight through flight. It was an extremely LONG day! I left Seattle at 1pm and arrived in Tucson at 10pm.

I was off and running the next morning to see my parents, help them with whatever needed to be done. It was wonderful to have bright sunshine to run around in! I think I was full of optimism, thinking I was going to find them well and vigorous...NOT true again! I was taken back by how each of them had declined since I was there last, 3 months ago. My dad had just gotten out of the hospital with another systemic infection. My mom was now using a wheel chair because her left leg was 3 times the size as her right leg and she couldn't walk. The nurse in me didn't know who needed attention first since everybody was breathing (airway, airway, airway!).

Well, the trip was short, but many hours long getting food and medicine purchased, doctor appointments attended, emergency department visited, medical equipment rented, future appointments made and medical power of attorneys and living wills filled out. I was only able to be there for 2 full days.

Off I go on an airplane for home at 6am with a terrible cold! I was seriously sad to leave the sunshine! I cried off and on because I knew I needed to do so much more for them and I felt so lousy! I wish I would've stayed one more full day to recoup a bit...mistake #2! I never gave myself any time to unwind and take it all in. Of all the teaching I do as a nurse towards caregivers, I spout often to take care of yourself! The caregiver will be of no good to anyone weary, sick and run down. I needed to take some of my own advise!

Sometimes I feel like a spinning top that will never stop! I am only one person and I have limits to my abilities. I can not conquer the world. I am only one daughter trying the best I can to take care of the two people who I never in my wildest dreams ever thought they would be needing help! When we are young we take it for granted that life just keeps beating on. Not much thought is given to the fact that when life doesn't keep beating on what are we to do then?

I am grateful to have a husband that is solid when I am a "top spinning out of control!" I am fortunate to have wonderful girlfriends whom I can bounce all this off of when I need to. I am blessed to have a Heavenly Father who will grant me what I need to get it all done! I want to move throughout this stage of life with grace and gratitude instead of anxiety and panic. I plan to take care of myself so that I will be able to take care of others. I know I never have to take on all this by myself, even though I try to...mistake #3!

Mom with Abigale and Makenzie

July 2014

    

      Dad Sept 2014